Nobody’s number one.

Yesterday was one of those nights – where you were fine all along, happy even, and suddenly a song plays and then it hits you. It doesn’t creep up slowly like taking little steps into the ocean before being submerged completely, it was a BAM! like a shotgun, from behind. You’ll never know what hit you. And suddenly you start crying, your shoulders contracts and you cross your arms over heart, make pretend it was someone else hugging you. It doesn’t work though and you feel sadder than you were. But you still can’t figure out why you feel this way. All you want is for it to go away because it hurts, and it always feels like you’re hurt enough. You remind yourself of all that he’s said. You think of the times he’s made you happy. You tell yourself that no, it doesnt matter anymore. Don’t be stupid. But the feeling is too overwhelming. It doesn’t listen to Reason and Logic. More tears come. You know that the past will never leave you. You know that everything happened for a reason and try convince yourself that it was for the better of tomorrow. You know that everyone has history and their stories to tell. But it still hurts anyway, more than it has ever hurt. It was like a huge pressure, pinning you down to your mattress, the quilt was of no comfort or help, it only served to hide how you curled your body like a small child underneath it. Over and over, you repeat the words It doesn’t matter anymore. But you know it does. At the back of your mind, you know it will never go away. However much you’ve tried to all this time.

You will never be someone’s number one.